"Ugh, I feel worse than ever."
"This whole day is ruined."
"What's wrong with me?"
"How can I make up to undo the damage I've caused? How long should I restrict? Should I try to purge it all? Can I?"
"I'm depressed."
Any fighter of bulimia and binge eating disorder (BED) - I originally typed "sufferer", just because we've gotten so used reading articles referring to anyone with eating disorders as sufferer, but I don't want to imbue that victim mentality to myself, however unintentionally - is most likely familiar with these haunting thoughts every time a binge happened. You feel out of control, and sometimes, it feels like the world is ending and you don't deserve anything good. Then thankfully, your common sense strikes (even if it strikes too late, usually after you exhaust yourself and fall into a troubled nap), and afterwards you start to think.
"What went wrong this time? How could I lose control after all the self-help techniques I've been reading? What are the triggers this time?"
If you're like me and find yourself asking these questions, or if you find this scenario painfully familiar (because this is a cycle that would repeat over and over again), then let us consider together. What if..... what if we're asking all the wrong questions?
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There is a well-known quote by Einstein which is always at the back of my mind: Madness - or stupidity - is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, after years struggling to identify the causes and triggers of my binge and eating disorders, and repeating the same darned cycle even after the identification, there's got to be something different. Self-awareness is good (after all, change first begins with awareness). Identifying what triggers you in the first place is good. But that's not the end of the story. We need actionable plan after the problem identification. I think this is what's usually missing from many self-help guides against binge eating disorders and bulimia.
Let's try something different.
Instead of thinking, What went wrong?, think What went right? --- what went right the last time you've managed to control your binge? What went right the last time you were able to rise up and get into the right mindset after feeling in the dumps due to an episode of binging?
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Amazingly, this worked for me. I stopped thinking about my triggers (e.g. a hard and stressful day at work, lack of productive activity, extreme food restrictions, worries about an uncertain future schedule, etc. - sometimes I'm your stereotypical A-type personality who needs everything to be perfect, ordered, and controlled to feel relaxed). I started thinking about positive stuff like what made me so happy this week which caused me not to relapse at all for 14 days? How can I get into the right mindset of managing my stress and worries healthily so I defeat the urge to binge? How can I start loving my body more and accepting myself, imperfections and all? How to be more productive and join more productive activities (productivity is what gets me out of my funk usually)?
This is how you can start changing your overall mindset, and hopefully put you on the right track for eating disorders recovery. Flip the question around. Instead of asking questions that put a laser-focus on the negatives inadvertently, flip the script and do something radical. Focus on your positives and what you can do as a person.
You are capable. You are amazingly talented. You are blessed with wonderful strength. As long as you can get into this positive and winning mindset.
I honestly find it sad that it is still considered a radical act to be optimistic and positive in our jaded society. After all, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. This also applies to yourself and your treatment of your body. Focusing on your flaws and beating yourself up for them have never made me succeed resisting an urge to binge. It usually made me want to binge more and feel more worthless afterwards. Accepting and loving yourself, flaws and all, and celebrating your positives - that's where you'll activate your amazing power.
Pic source: https://naijagists.com/how-to-develop-a-positive-thinking-mindset/
